The pressure of having it all

March 02, 2014

Being a working mother is not an easy task at all. And it hasn't been particularly easy for me either these past two weeks.

These past two weeks I had a 3 full day conference, one that lasted till 10pm. Both of my kids had a fever in the same week. It broke me to leave the house seeing them just laying helplessly on the bed. The support system is all over the place this week. The driver has to go back home to visit his sick grandma, and one of the maids' mom passed away so she has to go home. The car was also in the body shop because of a small accident the week before. And a list of other things that went wrong at home.

I didn't feel like a good mom at all. I haven't got the time to take Jib to the doctor to have his health certification so he can join the pencak silat competition. I missed his futsal competition. I couldn't bake a cake with Jehan, again. Or make them their favorite chicken wing.

Mothers or not, women live with multi-role expectation. As a daughter, as a granddaughter, as a sister, a cousin, a friend. The past week, my grandma complains why I rarely visit her, my cousin kept asking about his sponsorship letter, the other sent me a list of questions about the renovated house that I haven't followed up and another asked if I have the time to read her paper. And the list goes on.

And then there's another responsibility at work, proposal that went overdue, emails that couldn't be replied fast enough, to-do list that kept on adding up, deadline deadline deadline. Jakarta traffic hasn't been helpful either. On top of that, I have a stressed-out body that is ballooned. I have no time to prepare healthy food, let alone exercise enough. I feel far from attractive.

Yes, it's one of those weeks. We all have that kind of week where we feel like a failure, where the day seems like a constant struggle, where everything we do don't seem to be good enough, where it's too exhausting and what we longed for is to be taken care of. The guilt. The pressure. The fear. The disappointments. .

Maybe I just need a vacation. Or maybe just a good cry to release the tension away.

Despite the rough week, I still fee grateful for everything. After all, I'm living my dream. I have wonderful kids, a supportive husband, a growing business and other things to celebrate.

So chin up, the new week is starting tomorrow.  Things should be better.

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