It's sad that Ramadhan is almost over.

I have to admit, before Ramadhan started, I didn't embrace its arrival as much as I should. I was instead worrying if I could make it through effortlessly, if I could still be productive throughout the no food and no drinks afternoon. I was panicked I would be attacked by migraine every day and I was afraid if I could open my eyes in the morning from the lack of sleep.

I know, I sounded so childish, right? But of course it didn't mean that I wish it wouldn't come, I just didn't trust my body and mind and gave them enough credit for.

Now that Ramadhan is almost over, I cannot help but feeling sad. Ramadhan is indeed a special moment and I'm so glad that for the past two years I have experienced a different kind of Ramadhan. Not just the absence of food and drinks but a lot of learning that I feel like a whole new person, or dare I say better individual, when it's over. It feels like I have graduated from certain milestone and have my faith renewed. Maybe this is what He means by Idul Fitri as celebrating victory. I'm happy I understand what that victory means, in my own terms.

The first few days were the hardest but then I adjusted easily that it didn't affect me negatively. In fact, I think I was more productive than I have ever been. I attended meetings and events, I did three media interviews, I was a guest for a talkshow in DAAI TV, I had a shooting session for Intel video, I interviewed people, I met three venture capitals (one from Sillicon Valley and two from Japan), I had a two-day training session with Singapore team, created proposals and so many other things. I thought my Ramadhan would be uneventful, turned out it was filled with important moment after moment.

Right before Ramadhan started, I had what I called a few galau days and nights. I didn't know what happened, but I felt like I needed to learn more about how to be in the state of ikhlas, in every aspects of life. Sometimes, I had my own expectation that I forgot that if I do my best, there's nothing I need to worry about because the master up there will take care the rest of the way. There were also times when I felt unfairly treated but now I know I should have faith that He knows my rights. He knows what I need and what's best for me.

I read book about the prophet Muhammad and how he goes about his daily life. I read so many articles, looking for enlightenment. I came to a conclusion that I have to stay away from any expectation, to steer clear from being greedy, to be more sincere, to not care about credits, rewards and recognition, to make sure my intentions are not mixed, to do things only and only because He is watching me. Not that I did things for all the wrong reasons before, there were just times when I slipped and lost my grasp. Now I just need to constantly remind myself on the bigger picture of things, on how blessed I have been and there really is no need to worry about things I have no control of. I'm happy to say that it's easier like this. I am more focused, more content and it's certainly more peaceful this way. Things are falling into places too and the real prize started coming in.

I feel ashamed for not embracing this holy month wholeheartedly before it started. Would I feel differently if I knew what was coming and the blessing it brings? :'(. Can't never thank Him enough for all the privileges He has given me. Terima kasih ya Allah atas semua curahan rahmatmu :')