When you are feeling uninspired...

April 07, 2018


That was what I felt for a few days last week. I was just uninspired and uninterested about many things. I don't know why because it didn't sound like me, at all.

Was it the PMS? Could be,  even though it came a little earlier than expected.
Was it feeling overwhelmed with work? Maybe, with #JakartaxBeauty2018 coming up in just 21 days things are getting more hectic.
Was it feeling like I wasn't good enough? Possible, it felt like people were accomplishing something here and there, new businesses were launched and here I was just doing my thing to survive.

I don't know, it was just one of those days. Business was actually really good, number wise. We have always exceeded our sales target since the start of the year. The app is getting crowded with engaged members leaving product reviews and posting their skin journey or recent haul. The preparation of #jakartaxbeauty2018 is still within timeline, the booth have been sold out since a long time ago and the enthusiasm is getting higher. So I really don't know what happened to me.

And then last weekend I was trying to find some pictures (I forgot what picture was it and what for) but then I spotted my old album titled 'when you were here'. It's an album filled with pictures of my dad. I clicked on it and it hit me that it's April, the month that he passed away. And suddenly all hell broke loose and I found myself crying.

I still don't know what I felt and why I was crying and the connection between them. Perhaps I was subconcsiouly scared about something so when I saw his picture I kinda wish he was here to support? Or was it perhaps because I felt insignificant and just needed to hear what he used to say about me to other people? 

I don't know, it was an emotion I couldn't quite named. But I'm glad it was relieved out of my system. I felt lighter and slept better that night. I woke up on Monday all positive and excited about the day because I am not done yet. I still need a lot to prove and make him and the young girl in her graduation outfit to be proud of her. So thank you dad, for making me feel better just looking at those pictures. 

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