HANZKY

sekarang jibran kalo menolak sesuatu udah bisa bilang kalimat di atas loh, hehe..lucu banget deh ngomongnya, kadang gue sengaja ngasih dia sesuatu yang emang gue tau dia nggak mau demi denger dia ngomong itu. hari ini juga untuk pertama kali nya jibran bilang i love you!! ahhhh my heart melted when i heard that, beneran deh that was the highlight of my day. jadi tadi waktu di dapur kan papasan trus gue peluk dia sambil bilang i love you dan gue langsung jalan lagi, eh ternyata dia bales bilang i woof you, gituu...gue langsung kaget trus lari lari ke dia sambil ketawa ketawa, hehe...trus dianya kaya kesenengan trus gue suruh ngomong lagi ehh trus dia ngomong i woof you lagiii..ahh senangnya hati ku. tapi abis itu nggak mau lagi sih di suruh, haha..ya iya masa ngomong i love you mesti di paksa sih..tapi tadi karena pingin denger lagi ya gue bribe aja pake M&M 4 biji, hehehe...baru deh dia ngomong i love you lagii...:o)

jibran udah lumayan banget deh ngomongnya sejak masuk sekolah, apalagi kayanya pas baru masuk sekolah itu kan jibran minum antibiotik untuk ear infectionnya, kayanya memang bener kalo kena ear infection itu bisa pro long speaking ability anak kecil. sejak itu kemampuan ngomongnya langsung pesaatt...jadi sekarnag ya udah bisa lah mention just about any words. he says his please and thank you too, bilang sorry juga kalo di suruh but i don't think he really mean it, hehe.

jibran seneng banget sama sekolahnya, semangat deh dia kalo sekolah. sekarnag udah hafal nama temen temennya juga, dan yang di sering di sebut sebut itu yang namanya mia. ternyata memang yang namanya mia itu yang paling cantik di kelasnya, bule dan rambutnya coklat gitu, kata kepala sekolahnya, jibran is smart..mia is really a sweet girl..hehe. setiap pagi pas lagi di absen jibran pun setia bantuin gurunya, jadi kalo gurunya manggil nama nama temen2nya tapi yang di panggil nggak denger nanti jibran yang nunjukin ke gurunya kalo anak itu ada. tapi jibran di sekolah tuh jarang banget ngomong lho, sampe gurunya nanya sama gue..does he ever talk?!?!..jadi dia tuh di kelas cuma senyum senyum dan cengar cengir dan ketawa ketawa aja tapi nggak ngomong, hehehe. tapi terakhir terakhir udah mendingan sih.

kata gurunya, jibran has a very good memory, emang bener deh memori nya jibran ini pentium berapa gue juga enggak ngerti, tapi ingatannya tuh kuat banget. waktu di sekolah yang dulu juga guru gurunya bilang gitu. sebenernya yang di inget sih hal hal simple aja, day to day activity, tapi cukup bikin gue amaze juga sih. contohnya ya paling kaya dia tau sekolahnya hana, tau metro station tempat jemput daddy nya, tau rumahnya si ini si itu walaupun baru sekali ke tempat tempat itu. jadi besoknya kalo udah di deket situ lagi jibran langsung udah tau aja itu di mana. apalagi waktu dia udah bisa jalan, jadi kalo ke mall ya langsung ngacir aja sendiri, udah tau toko binatang di mana, playgroundnya dimana, dan toko toko favoritnya. toko toko yang pasti dia datengin itu old navy, karena dia tau ada banyak bola di sana, jadi kalo masuk pasti langsung lari ke belakang, trus minta koin untuk beli bola bola yang kecilnya yang di dalem mesin. trus juga ke toko athlete's foot atau champ's, toko toko sepatu olahraga deh, karena ada bola basketnya..hehe, padahal waktu itu juga baru sekali di bawa ke toko toko itu, besoknya pas lewat udah langsung ngacir sendiri aja. jibran nih juga suka naro binatang binatang kecilnya di mana mana, tapi dia inget aja sih naro nya di mana, dan tempatnya aneh aneh. kadang di dalem cd player, di sela sela speakernya, di bawah kesetan lah, pokonya nyelip di mana mana..yang ajaibnya kemaren nino (rhino) nya di taro di tempat isi bensin mobil aja gitu. enggak di dalemnya sih karena dia nggak bisa buka, tapi di tempat di antara tutupan luarnya sama dalemnya. makanya gue bingung waktu mau masuk rumah dia ribut mau ngambil nino nya, gue pikir kan nggak ada di mobil..eh taunya dia buka tempat bensin itu dan ngambil nino nya...ampun dehh. tadi juga dia lari lari ke kotak pos, kirain mau ambil surat..tau tau dia cuma mau nengokin deer nya yang di taro di situ..hehehe..ada ada aja deh. pokonya banyak lah hal hal kecil gitu, kadang suka nyebelin juga sih jadinya soalnya jadi susah untuk di alihin perhatiannya, misalnya dia nangis karena minta sesuatu nggak di kasih..trus padahal udah beberapa jam dan udah tidur siang, eh bangun bangun langsung inget lagi..susah banget lupa nya, dan udah lumayan dari kecil kaya gitunya. kalo nonton juga dia cepet afal nya deh, udah tau scene scene selanjutnya. jadi kata gurunya, jibran itu mengamati banget walau nggak keliatan, nah kalo ini sih kaya ibunya banget, an observant by nature..nggak pa pa deh, i think it's good to be someone who is aware and alert with his/her surrounding kan, supaya nanti nya nggak jadi orang yang ignorant.

duh jadi kangen jibran niih, anaknya lagi ke kids club, tapi bukan yang di ballys lagi, d katanya udah graduate dari ballys, hehehe dan sekarang ikutan gold's gym. tempatnya memang jauh lebih besar dan lengkap dan kids club nya juga lebih gede banget, mainannya lebih banyak danada playground indoor nya segala..jadi jibran seneng banget deh di sana sampe suka nggak mau di ajak pulang. i miss you jibran!!

pasti pada ngikutin berita hebohnya perseturuan antara bambang tri-halimah-mayang sari kan?..kalo kejadiannya di sini, pasti deh sekarang udah banyak t-shirt t-shirt yang tulisannya TEAM HALIMAH atau TEAM MAYANG SARI gitu kaya waktu Jennifer Anniston sama Angelina Jolie. Ada Team NICK (lachey) sama TEAM JESSICA (simpson) juga dan masih banyak yang lainnnya, heheh, it's a statement t-shirt they said.

anyway...gue juga jadi ngikutin nih perkembangannya, hahah, dan jelas gue masuk dalam jajaran front pembela halimah, hehehe...i have zero tolerance when it comes to infidelity, apalagi sama orang ketiganya yang ngerusak rumah tangga orang yang teteup tampil dan malah kayanya bangga banget sama perbuatannya. kalo memang mau jadi simpenan ya udah toh tau diri..just take his credit card, go shopping and getting all dolled up at the hair salon everyday with a little extra manicure and pedicure along the way and keep your mouth shut!!!

kayanya udah lamaaaaa banget deh saya nggak pernah nge check horoscope, tapi entah kenapa hari ini ada pikiran untuk nge check, cuma mau tau aja kira kira ramalan bintang saya sama nggak sama apa yang saya rasakan beberapa hari ini. nih ya di kutip dari beberapa website.

Your keywords for this month are 'reinvention' and 'exploration.' It's time to examine your current role in life and ask yourself if it really suits you. Where do you want to go next? Who do you want to be?

You may not feel like you're getting a lot done at the start of the week, but you're laying the foundation for a fantastic future. You're meeting people who are going to become crucial to your advancement, and you're generating ideas that will only achieve full dimension over time.

This week you finally have a chance to put some newly generated ideas into action

You're sitting quietly and getting a few new insights into your own internal workings (hopes, fears, desires, obstacles), and this helps you immensely the rest of the month, when you plan a few new directions for yourself.

how so very true, i was stunned when i read those. emang bener bener deh akhir akhir ini saya sering banget kepikiran tentang masa depan. what do i want to accomplish in the future, will i be able to do it, to achieve my dreams and to be what i want to be, doings the things i love? what do i need to do now to get in the right direction? can i juggle two things at the same time, you know, family and career? do i have to give up one to accomplish the other? and on and on and on. i consider myself a thinker, i think my brain is always on a thinking mode. lagi nyetir, lagi nyuci piring, lagi mandi..pasti selalu sambil mikir, kebetulan aja akhir akhir hal hal yang di sebut di atas yang selalu mengisi pikirin saya. it's been a year since i graduated. pertamanya memang sengaja sih untuk nggak ngapa ngapain, mau santai santai aja soalnya cape. it took me 2.5 years to finish my master. i went to school, worked during the whole nine months of my pregnancy. bahkan waktu udah melahirkan pun tetep sekolah, kerja sebentar dan ngurus bayi...belum ngurusin rumah juga..good thing i still managed to graduate with cum laude..:p. lagian selain cape, we were in the process of finding a new place and then moving in to the new house too, so there were a lot of things that i needed to focus. but now after everything is settled i guess it's just time for me to rethinking about my future. i don't want to be idle for too long, sebenernya juga selama ini nggak cuma ngerjain pekerjaan rumah aja sih, i've been doing some ebaying, but i want to do more.

trus juga jibran sekarang udah sekolah kan so i have more free time for my self. i know i can use those free time to do a lot of domestic things like cooking, laundrying, ironing, making up the bed, cleaning the bathroom, gardening and you know all of those glamorous stuff..;). but i can't help but keep thinking, is that all there is to it? it's just that i think i'm capable of doing more things than that. i want to explore, to see if there's opportunity for me somewhere to do something. i know working full time is not an option, i do not want to send jibran to day care every single day for the whole day. besides i don't have the permit that is required to work here anyway, and i don't want to risk working the undertable way like i did long time ago, when you have family, i guess you just have to weigh the risk that involved with it. all i want is to have something that i can do from home. it doesn't necessarilly have to generate money. just as long as i can satisfy the urge i have to prove myself, to put my energy into the world and make something out of my life and make the most of it, for my own good, for my need of self-respect, for my own happiness. it's not that i'm unhappy, but i feel like i'm lacking something. maybe i'm just unsatisfied. unsatisfied of my achievements as an individual, not unsatisfied of my possessions because to me, happiness relates to what i have achieved as a person. happiness and contentment is two different things. like i've read from somewhere along time ago, contenment merely depends on having everything you need and you want where happiness results from achieving your goals.

anyway, so these past two weeks, i've been thinking of what i can do in this situation that appears to be limiting. what am i good at? what are my skills? what is it that i'm passionate about? it's a bit confusing to me too because the problem is i couldn't find that one skill that i consider my asset. some people good at cooking, graphic-designing or whatever design there is, photography-ing, writing, programming, drawing, etc. i guess i can do a little of this and a little of that, but nothing that seems super it drives me nuts. i know i'm able to do simple web designing and i did compiled a few designs that i have created into one page, hoping i could turn it into a freelance type of thing. so that's one. there's still other things that i'm thinking of doing, something that could be useful for me when i go back home for good someday, nothing big but it could be an important step for me just so i don't have to crawl from the very bottom to get to the top, but i don't want to elaborate more for now, maybe later when it's actually happen =). hopefully i am in the right track right now, just like what my horoscope said that i have just met new people that will become crucial to my advancement. they are such an inspiration to me.

i believe i'm pretty good at sensing opportunities. i have lots of ideas, i just don't have the guts to implement them, hehe.. it does indeed hard to take that first step, ohh the fear of trying, and the fear of rejection and of failure. but hey i'll never know unless i try it, right? and i just have to remember this; hesitation leads to devastation. so wish me luck okay?..=)

dari tadi pagi cuacanya mendung banget, di tambah gerimis juga rintik rintik..hmm mungkinkah ini karena st. louis sedang berduka karena di tinggal seorang edwin dan mellissa?..hehehe (jangan ge er ya kalian..:P). Kayanya by the time i write this mereka udah boarding di pesawat...kita nggak ikut nganterin sih secara jauh..lagian semalem udah farewell-an di rumah nya manda. kasian nanti si nduti nggak ada temen untuk ngudut bareng lagi deh, eh tapi biar aja deh siapa tau malah jadi berhenti ngudut!!. yang kasian itu jibran nanti kalo kangen sama mellissa gimana yaa?..jibran tuh sayang banget lho sama tante issa nya yang satu ini, selaluu aja di cariin, kalo om kesayangannya jibran tuh si arya sama adit..duh mana arya juga bentar lagi mau pulang...dan adit juga, tapi sayangnya dia balik lagi sih..hahahaha..:P. anyway, gue suka iri deh sama yang pada pergi gitu, abis kayanya seru aja pergi jauh to another world, exploring different culture, meeting different people, and exposing different food and different language, it seems fun, moving on to a brand new life, a new chapter. trus di anterin orang orang ke airport, trus orang orang yang di tinggalin jadi pada sedih..and then they'll wave goodbye as they passed the security gate..hehe, kayanya there's something about it aja.

summer ini seperti nya bakalan basi di st. louis karena orang orang banyak yang pulang, kebanyakan sih pulang liburan, tapi banyak juga yang pulang for good. ternyata bener ya...people come and go..some stay in your heart..and some are forgotten. the more i think about it, the more i agree with this quote; god puts people in our lives in three ways; for a reason, for a season, for a lifetime. the lifetime one is scarce because you know people will eventually go and leave you anyway, friendship sometimes drifts apart, relationship gone sour and but there's nothing you can do about it, you just move on and hope you learn a thing or two from them. the most important thing is that it was fun while it lasted..and it has served a purpose in its time. giving in the moment is not overrated afterall..=)